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Stitches…again! Past experiences don’t always make parenting easier

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Do you remember that?  I posted that on May 24, 2009.  Lauren was just over 2 years old.

This was yesterday:

2 more stitches.

I told her that 4 in 4 years is plenty and I really don’t want to have to do this again!

And I think after the whole ordeal, she’ll remember what happened yesterday a lot more than what happened when she was 2.

9:00am

Craig got the call from the school office.  Lauren got hurt on the playground from a swing and was cut pretty badly.  They were concerned about the amount of bleeding and thought she might need to go to the hospital.

Craig was at Ontario Place in Toronto covering the Ken Block media event that was sponsored by Ford Canada so he wasn’t going to be able to leave. Craig called me to let me know what happened and that I needed to go immediately.  I was part of a training exercise, but was able to quickly make arrangements for someone else to help out and I was on my way back to Oakville.

10:00am

I arrived at school to find Lauren with ice on her face and blood all over her clothes.  The principal and vice principal told me what happened:  She was pushing her stuffed bear on the swing and when the swing came back she wasn’t paying attention and it hit her in the face.

Off to the hospital we went.  We got there about 10:20am.  She was triaged by the triage nurse and doctor and then we were sent to the registration desk.  Once she was checked in, we were told to go to the RAZ section.

10:30am

I just looked up what RAZ means: Rapid Assessment Zone.  They need to rename that because that’s a big lie!  We sat waiting for 2 hours before she got moved to a bed.  She did surprisingly well while we waited. We talked about what was going to happen when she saw the doctor. I wanted her to be prepared and I couldn’t lie to her when she asked if it would hurt.

12:30pm

We were moved to a curtained-off bed so that we could wait some more.  While waiting, I realized that we were in the exact same bed as the last time she got stitches.

Finally the doctor and nurse checked her out.  He ruled out a head injury and then talked about her lip.  We had 2 options: do nothing or stitch it up.  “Nothing” would have left a big scar so we went with stitches.

I figured that giving her the needle to freeze her lip was a huge struggle, the actual stitches would be even harder.  I was right.  I held her down, the nurse held her head and the doctor stitched.  The first one was the worst.  While he was doing the 2nd one, the first one ripped out because she moved.  After that one was in, he re-evaluated the location of the next stitch and only ended up needing 2 stitches.

2:00pm

We were walking out of the hospital and saw Craig.  Because I didn’t have very good cell service, I couldn’t keep him as up-to-date as I wish that I could have. Lauren decided to drive home with him and I picked up popsicles.

She had ice cream and popsicles and watched TV until Rachel came home.  The 2 of them played quietly until it was time to to go to choir.  We wanted Lauren to stay home, but she’s so determined. It was good that she wanted to just pick up and keep going.

Lauren is spending today at home with Craig. We wanted to give her lip a chance to start healing a bit before she starts back into her regular routine.

Emotionally and physically tired, I am back at work.  Yesterday’s events are still spinning through my head.  It’s very hard to stay calm when you’re stressed and all you want to do is grab her, hold her and cry “My poor baby!”  Plus the physical strength required to hold down a writhing, angry, scared 6 year old is more that I imagined.

I stand firm on my recommendation about not being the parent who has to be with the child getting stitches. As much as last time should have prepared me for what was going to happen yesterday, I’ll never get used to it.  I pray that there won’t be a third time.

Stop asking your kids "How was your day?"

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Today I didn’t ask the girls how their day was.

I’m never asking “How was your day?” again!

No, that doesn’t make me a horrible mother.  I’m tired of feeling that I’m pulling teeth to get an answer out of them.

Standard conversation:

Me: How was your day?
Them: Fine.
Me: What did do today?
Them: I dunno.

They don’t know?!? They spent 8 hours there, they had to have done something!

Then they would  ‘um’ and ‘ah’ and try to recall every little detail. “First we had carpet time and then we went to the gym and then we had music and then we…”  I love them, but that is hard to listen to everyday.

I don’t want it to be that hard, so I’m not asking “How was your day?” any more!

Today, during dinner, I asked…

“What was the best and worst parts of your day?”

The answers were a million times better!

You could tell that they were excited to tell me about the things they liked.  They didn’t have to stop and think about what came next in their day.   Rachel was excited to tell us about a game that they played in the classroom and Lauren liked that they got to make some art for the hallway outside their classroom.

The “best” was best, but the “worst” really was worse.

When it came time to talk about the worst part of their day, I really wasn’t prepared for the answers.  I was hoping for “I didn’t want recess to end” or “I don’t like having to sit still for so long”.  Instead we had to hear about how the bully was up to no good…again.

This time, however, Lauren was the one who got hurt.  The boys that Rachel had been playing with started rough-housing. The bully and some other kid came over to join in and Rachel was trying to get them to stop. Lauren, unknowingly, ran across the play ground to see Rachel and the bully lashed out and hit Lauren.  Rachel took her to the office and told the Principal what happened.  Not even two weeks into the school year and we’re dealing with the wrath of this kid again.

Make the best out of a bad situation

We used this as a great moment to come up with some strategies on how to deal with this kid.  We talked about staying away from him on the play ground (thankfully, he’s not in Rachel’s class; he’s in the other grade 4 class) and if he comes around that they need to walk away.  We suggested to Lauren, that she stay with her friends on the playground so there is less chance of the bully coming around her.

It sucks that that we have to tell our kids to be on heightened alert when they’re supposed to be having fun and enjoying themselves, but with this kid on the loose, they can’t be too careful.

As much as I didn’t like the answer, I loved that by focusing the question on a specific part of their day, we got to hear so much more than we normally would!

So, take it from me!  Stop asking your kids “How was your day?” !!

Do you struggle with your kids to get them to tell you about their day?? What strategies do you use to get your kids to open up?

they’re my milestones, and I like them (even if I do make them up as I go along)

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(Thank you, Robert Munsch and Stephanie’s Ponytail for the inspiration for my title.)

There are many many milestones that a child has to hit over their lifetime.  Just google “child milestones” and you get any number of websites telling you what your child should be doing and by when.   I’ve blogged about some of them.

Well guess what, Google!  You missed one!

Age 8: Child will have the ability to pick up dog poop in the backyard
…and will offer to do so voluntarily

(and this makes a new milestone for my blog — I’ve moved from talking about baby poop to dog poop. Writing excellence, right here folks!)

Yes, you read that correctly.  Rachel offered to pick up poop in the back yard.

Let me take you back….

It was a bright Sunday afternoon.  I was standing in the kitchen cleaning up after lunch.  My beautiful daughter decided that would be a good time to ask me if she and her sister could go out back and play.  Since I always want to encourage physical activity and fresh air, I asked that she wait just a few minutes until I could go out back and tidy up after Dakota (the poop machine).  I was wrist deep in soapy dishwater and wanted to finish the dishes first.  She piped in, “I could do it!”

Stumbling over my words, I agreed.  She grabbed a bag and out she went.  A few minutes later she came back in and very proudly exclaimed that she was all done! Two very happy girls, ran out side to play in the sun.  I gave my head a shake because there was no way that whole thing just happened.

I am happy to report that this is now a part of her regular chores around the house! Parenting win!

mainstream media and their silly labels (or the one where I won’t admit my daughter is a “tween”)

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Recently I received an email from a company asking me to review a product that was for tweens and teens.  Sadly, I replied back and thanked them for choosing me, but since my daughters are only 6 and 8, we don’t have any tweens or teens to help evaluate the product.  That was that and I went on about my day.

Later, they emailed me and said that my 8 year old fits in the “tween” category and would I still be interested in trying the product.  I agreed to try it because I like the product, but I was still in shock.

Tween?  My daughter?  She only 8!!

I’m not sure what exactly I thought a tween was, but surely it’s not 8.  I know that a teenager is anything ending in ‘teen’ — 13, 14, etc.  And there was a time when ‘tweens’ were called preteens…but I’d only lump 11-12 years old in that group.  Almost a teen….but not quite.

Dictionary.com defines tween:  “…tween, tweeny. a youngster between 10 and 12 years of age, considered too old to be a child and too young to be a teenager.”

A few other sites said 8-12 or 9-12.  But the catch for me is the line that says

 “too old to be a child and too young to be a teenager.“

Really?  Too old to be child?  According to whom?

Media and marketing people…that’s whom.  If they can widen the age range in what they label as “tween” then now have a bigger demographic to market their products.

This article from the nj.com says exactly how I feel — Marketing to Tweens – making our kids grow up too fast

The author writes:

“Tweens have had their own identity and their own idea of independence forced upon them by a culture that tells them what to buy and how to grow up. This false autonomy bestowed upon the Tween generation is an unnatural alternative to the autonomy these children should be developing on their own.”

And that is where we as parents come in…

How do we allow our girls to develop their own sense of self with out too much pressure to grow up too fast?

I think Craig and I doing great so far!

She loves to read, write and draw. She loves to ride her bike, play games in the back yard and draw with sidewalk chalk.  I hope she never feels that she is too old play.

Rachel isn’t a “girly girl” so that might have something to do with it.  She doesn’t like Barbies or Bratz dolls and she doesn’t like frilly and pink.  This means that she doesn’t like a lot of the “you need to grow up too fast” clothing that comes in her sizes.

She doesn’t spend a lot of time on the internet, and when she is, she is limited to a few sites that we have approved.  She has asked about when she can get a Facebook account but we stress that there are rules and she need to wait until she’s 13.  Hard rule to follow when other kids her age already have accounts.  (That’s a whole other blog post right there!)

Lauren (who’s only 6 right now) may lead a different path. Currently she’s into pink and bling and all the cutesy clothes that are marketed at her age group. We’ll continue to guide her, like we did with Rachel, to be respectful of herself and to choose outfits that are appropriate.  I’ll re-read this post when Lauren is 8 or 9 because I could see her being a different type of “tween” than Rachel.

So have I been under a rock?  I can’t be the only one who feels that 8 seems too young to be considered a tween!

I’d love to hear others’ thoughts and feelings.