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Being The Emotional Support Your Teen Needs

June 18, 2022 by Wendy S

In case you’ve forgotten, going through your teenage years can be tough. There are all of the physical changes of puberty, the plethora of effects hormones can have, as well as social and lifestyle changes to accommodate. Stress, anxiety, and even depression can become a lot more common during these years. So, what can you do to be the emotional support that they need?

Picture – CC0 License

Talk about it

It might sound simple enough, but there are so many topics that can go unaddressed or under-addressed in the average family home, and mental health is one of them. Learn how to talk to your teen about mental health. Check in with them on a regular basis, and make sure that they know that you are a safe place to confide in. Most importantly, listen to them and take the time to verbally acknowledge their emotions. You shouldn’t always try to “fix” what is wrong, even if you feel like they are thinking or doing things you don’t like.

Establish healthier patterns of living

There are many lifestyle factors that can help improve mental and emotional health. It’s not as simple as finding the right band-aid for the job. However, helping them find a workable schedule and routine for school life, encouraging them to join you in getting active more often, and setting a bedtime to make sure that they get enough sleep. Of course, don’t mistake these healthier patterns of living as a working treatment if they are in real emotional distress.

Know when to get some help

There’s a lot that you can do to create a home that is a lot more emotionally healthy for your teens. However, you can’t always be the only help that they’re going to need. Whether they are dealing with things that are a little more than you’re able to handle or you simply acknowledge that they could use help with their emotional health, you should always consider youth psychotherapy to be a valid option. A confident, practiced hand can do a lot of good in helping your teen address their issues in a healthy way that they might not learn otherwise.

Mind yourself too

You want to be a pillar of support for your teen, but it can be difficult if you’re not firing on all cylinders. If stress, anxiety, or other worries are getting to you, then you need to ensure that you’re taking care of yourself. Putting a strong front to help your kids is only going to get you so far. Make sure that you’re aware of when you need help, or when you need to pause, re-evaluate and take some action to get things back on an even keel.

Awareness of mental and emotional health, and taking steps to work through them, is an important part of raising a family and it’s not one that a lot of us talk about enough. Hopefully, the tips above can help you be a little more mindful and helpful where your teens are concerned.

Breaking up (with friends) is hard to do

April 13, 2022 by Wendy S

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Some people will tell you that having toddlers are harder than having babies and that teenagers are harder than toddlers. I have always said that each stage is different and comes with different challenges.

Eventually, you get to the stage where you start to step back and guide your kids as they start to tackle these challenges on their own. You can’t do everything for them forever, and they won’t grow as a human if you solve all of their problems for them.

And when life throws you curveballs, like a pandemic, you need to be even more patient in your guidance because you’re faced with challenges no one ever expected — lockdowns, physical distancing, and virtual school.

Maintaining friendships wasn’t something that could happen every day at school. A conscious effort was made to keep the kids connected with their friends in any way they could. We went from trying to limit their time on their phones to allowing them more time so they could Facetime, call, Discord, anything which helped them be social.

After 18 months of virtual school and a disjointed connection with their friends, the girls went back to school in September. We talked with the kids to prepare them for the potential changes that may become more apparent. But I’m not sure Craig and I were prepared for what actually did happen.

One of our girls had a core group of friends and for the first few months, everything seemed to be going fairly well. Some of the kids had become closer to some than others, but, hey, that happens with adults too.

At the end of October, we noticed that things with the friend group were starting to change. New people were being included and others were stepping away. The ebb and flow of friendships.

Some of the changes weren’t all that great. By February, the dam burst.

One of the closest friends, through a text chat, accused our daughter of manipulating them and other hurtful accusations. Our daughter got manipulated by this teen so badly in this chat that she apologized for things that were not her fault and that she did not need to apologize for. And at the end of the chat, the other person said…

“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

Her confidence was shattered. There were so many tears. We were so upset. I was shocked when I read the text message thread. How could one teenager be so hurtful?

My heart broke.

Over the next few days, my daughter told us that she was eating alone in the library because she didn’t want to be with a group of friends due to that one person. I wanted to scream. This manipulative kid gets all the friends and tramples on my kid’s emotions.

This is where I could have stepped in and called the other kid’s parents to let them know what was going on, but I didn’t. Having parents jump in a try to force a friendship back together wasn’t going to be good for anyone.

Then we spent the next few months trying to build our kid’s confidence back up. We encouraged her to reach out to other friends, and join groups or clubs. We made sure that she stayed connected with the rest of the friend group outside of school so she didn’t feel like she lost everything.

Thankfully, after March Break, more activities at school started back up. Now it’s April and there are a few new friends to have lunch with, clubs and choir at lunch, and band after school.

We are so proud of how she handled this whole thing. Not once did she say anything bad about this other person. Not once did she try to turn the other friends away from this person. She took the high road and walked away.

One of the things that I am thankful for is that my kid was willing to talk to us. Our family communication is amazing. She knew that she could share this with us and that we would love and support her. I think that this may have helped our family communication become even better. Every day we check in with each other to see how each other’s day was and we celebrate the good and support the not-so-good.

She knows that she did the right thing, even though it wasn’t the easiest. The things that she has learned about herself through all of this are some of the most important things she will carry through life.

Some adults could learn humility, grace and dignity from my 10 year old. #milestones #parenting

January 6, 2015 by Wendy S

My 10-year-old gives me hope. She shows more humility, grace and dignity than some adults I know.

On Sunday, Rachel started Volleyball training with VolleyGirls, they junior group of Halton Volleyball Club who’s team is the Hurricanes. She has shown an interest in volleyball so we have tried to nurture it.

She did a small volleyball session with the Oakville Parks and Rec and she really enjoyed it. When our babysitter recommended VolleyGirls, we looked into it. The sessions fit into our already busy schedule.

On Sunday, I had asked about volleyball at school and she said that the tryouts had already happened. Rachel said that she didn’t think that she could play because she had already committed to being a lunch monitor. (Rachel volunteers in the JK/SK classroom at lunch to help the younger kids with opening containers and stuff like that.)

I really couldn’t fault her for being true to her commitments. But I tried to explain that there might be a way for her to work around it and make both work. So I emailed the teacher who coaches the grade 5-6 volleyball team and explained the situation. The teacher replied and said that most of the JK/SK teachers are willing to make extracurricular commitments work and rearrange schedules.

Armed with this knowledge, Rachel went to school yesterday with gym clothes and the plan to talk to the JK/SK teacher.

Since Craig and I were at the Bronze Medal Junior World Hockey game (Go Slovakia!), I didn’t get to find out how practice was until we got home.

Rachel, with sadness, said, “Mrs. Teacher thought your were the other Rachel’s mom. There isn’t any space on the team for me.”

My heart broke.

Seriously?!?

She had a bit of a quiver in her voice. She was disappointed but for the most part she seemed okay with it. I had to walk away.

I emailed the teacher back and said that I was sorry for the confusion and that Rachel was looking forward to next year. The teacher came back with some blah-blah about commitment and if Rachel had talked to her mumbo-jumbo.

Exactly. Honouring commitments is exactly what my kid was doing. Rachel didn’t realise that she could have made arrangements to cover her initial commitments so that doing both was a possibility; we had to explain this to her. Too late though.

Rachel didn’t cry. She didn’t get angry. She didn’t rant and rave. She sucked it up and said “It’s ok, Mom.”

Again I walked away. I needed wine.

I gave Rachel the biggest hug imaginable and said that I was proud of how she reacted and that I know a lot of adults who could learn from her. I said to her that she’s not always going to get the answer she wants. “But you tell me ‘No’ all the time, Mom.” I continued to explain that many people in her life will tell her no. Many people won’t give her what she wants and if she’s able to learn from it and move on, that she’s going to be one amazing adult.

The child in me wants to email the teacher back in ALL CAPS and give her a piece of my mind.

Rachel has taught me otherwise.

Win with humility, lose with grace, and do both with dignity!

Must be doing something right

December 21, 2010 by Wendy S

Munchkin has lost her first tooth!!

At the end of October, we had a late Thanksgiving dinner with my brother, sister-in-law (SIL) and niece. After dinner, Munchkin was complaining about something stuck in her tooth. My SIL is a dental hygienist so took her up stairs to floss it. Munchkin came bouncing back downstairs because it was discovered that her two bottom teeth are loose. One a bit more than the other.

We were a bit nervous because the next Friday was picture day at school and we wanted her to keep it in for just a bit longer. She was asked not to wiggle it until then. But really, she’s 5 and it’s exciting to have a loose tooth so I’m sure there was still some wiggling going on.

—

A few Saturdays ago, we picked up the girls from their Grandparent’s house after their sleepover. BigDaddy and I had gone out for a Christmas party the night before. Munchkin complained that her loose tooth had been bleeding. BigDaddy commented that it was starting to look strange in colour.

I was concerned that something was wrong. It has been a while since I lost a tooth and had no idea what was going on. We trekked off to the dentist to find out that nothing was wrong. The tooth was so ready to come out that the discolouration was just from dried blood inside the tooth. Munchkin had been pretty good but started to look nervous when the dentist talked about taking it out. Seeing the worry on her face, the dentist suggested using a topical jelly to freeze the area a bit before taking it out.

We left the dentist office with some gauze in case it bled some more, a princess crown, and a tiny little tooth in a molar-shaped plastic container on a string. She was so proud; running to show Daddy when we got home and showing all her friends at the Christmas party attended that evening.

She put it under her pillow that night.

What did the tooth fairy leave?

Sunday morning, she comes in our room. Pauses.

“Oh, I have to see if the tooth fairy came” and runs back to her room.

“Look!! I got a toonie!!” (for my American friends, that is a $2 coin)

We played along with her excitement, as every parent should. “What are you going to do with with it?” we asked.

She hummed and ha’d but in the end said “I dunno.”

We all got up and started getting ready for Church. After helping the girls get dressed, I was in my room getting ready when Munchkin walked in, holding the coin up, tightly pinched between her finger and thumb.

“I want to put this in the offering at church”

I paused. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I confirmed that this is what she wanted to do. I said, let’s go talk to Daddy.
She repeated her request to him. Now there are two parents in shock.

Without skipping a beat, she then says that she needs an envelope to put it in. I got the box of envelopes out with the intention to use one from a week when we didn’t go to church. But there in the box, were 2 envelopes dated for December 5th — one for the regular giving and one labeled “White Gift“. That one had to be hers.

I let her fill it out with the amount and her name. But she also wrote… “My tooth fairy money” Too funny.

During the service she couldn’t wait to put it in the collection plate and when the time came she smiled with pride.

I cried.

Not even 6 years old and the only money that she has ever been given where she can do what ever she wants with it and she gives it away.

Then the people rejoiced, for that they offered willingly, because with perfect heart they offered willingly to the LORD: and David the king also rejoiced with great joy.
– 1 Chronicles 29:9 –